4 It's Christmas Time

Hard to believe that Christmas is here already! I'm finishing up baking as I write this post. Grizlenuchles are in the oven, the toffee is cooling in the fridge and soon I will be starting the Ritzy Peanut Butter Cookies Beth shared with us earlier this week. White chocolate and peanut butter....that's like crack to this pregnant lady!

Tomorrow will be filled with many emotions.  There will be sadness for the first holiday without my aunt and of memories from Christmas past with my mother, so much joy for the little miracle growing in my belly and overall happiness for the good people and things that I am blessed to have in my life.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone! I wish you peace and joy this holiday season!

6 Monday Ramblings

~I can not believe there are only 5 days left till Christmas. Wow…where has the time gone? Seriously, where is it? I haven’t even begun my holiday baking/candy making! That probably will happen on Thursday. I hope it will happen on Thursday. Right now I’m thinking of making Toffee and Grizzlenuchles (husbands families recipe). *Might* throw something else in, but not going all out like I did last year…that was just an insane bake-athon!

~The 4 weeks in between my doctor appointments seem like they are taking FOR-EVER! I know soon enough I will feel like I live there, going every other week then every week. But it’s just so hard waiting to know that everything is ok. I am enjoying every minute (well maybe not the heartburn but at least I know something’s happening) of being pregnant and don’t want to rush it. I just can’t wait to feel the little one move regularly!

~We tried something different this year with our gifts. We have 2 Christmas trees, one upstairs and one downstairs. We split our gifts up so we can each have some under the tree. I get 2 kinds of wrapping paper and we mix them up between both trees. Well this year, I decided to put all of one paper under one tree, and the other under the second tree. I kinda like it, we might have just started a new trend.

~Ellie and Emma are getting along so good, I am so happy that they are starting to get closer to each other. Every now and then a morsel of doubt will pop in my mind, wondering if we had waited just a few more weeks before deciding to get Ellie, which would have been after we found out we were expecting, would we still have gotten her? Would that have changed our minds and not adopted her? Part of me thinks maybe, but then I look at her sweet face and think about how cold and lonely she would be at the pound I know we made the right decision.

~As of this morning, with the exception of some random whites and a few towels…all the laundry in our house is clean. This hasn’t happened in years. Granted almost all, well ok all of what was washed in the last week is still sitting in baskets and on the sofa waiting to be put away. One step at a time people….didn’t want to get sidetracked. LOL.

~I am so thankful to work for a company that has shutdown the week between Christmas and New Years. Its awesome to get paid to enjoy the holidays with your family and friends! I’m hoping to get lots of organizing done while I’m off, including getting that laundry put away as well as gathering our yearly donations. No better time to clean out the closets then when I’m putting away clean clothes!

~I could very easily get used to wearing elastic waist paints. They are so comfortable. Who needs buttons?

~I am thinking of redoing my blog again, feels like it’s time for a change. Just need to narrow down the colors/theme and go from there. Maybe I’ll work on that over break. That and play some Atari, cause that’s how we roll.

11 14 weeks

I thought it would be fun to start documenting some pregnancy experiences and updates,
so here is what's been happening lately along with my first baby bump picture!

How Far Along am I: 14 Weeks

Size of baby: Bean is the size of a lemon

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 5 lbs since conception

Maternity Clothes: I am alternating between a pair of low rise maternity jeans and a pair of regular jeans with a hairband around the button, but everything else is regular. 

Oh, and I did have to order bigger bras. Does that count?

 Gender: Not sure yet! Hopefully we will find out in January!

Movement: I *might* have felt a little flutter on Wednesday evening (12/8) while I was at work. 

Kind of felt like when your eye starts to twitch but you don't blink, know what I mean?

Sleep: I'm really tired most of the time, fall asleep on the couch most night about 9, 

then wake up about 11 then go upstairs to bed. 

I've been waking up on the weekends with with a sore hip if I sleep too late.
Oh and I'm peeing about 3 times a night.

What I miss: Nothing really, well maybe wine, but its well worth it! 

Cravings: Chipotle and sweet potatoes

Symptoms: Heartburn mostly, the nausea has passed except when I'm hungry

Best Moment this week: Feeling the possible flutter in my tummy 

and seeing my cousins baby knowing that in about 6 months,

we'll be holding our own little bundle of joy!

1 Choosing the right Christmas Card

It's that time again...time to get the Christmas Cards in the mail. I love sending Christmas Cards, and up until a few years ago, I had always done the traditional boxed cards, maybe 2-3 different designs.  I love the idea of Photo Cards, but thought isn't that just for families with cute babies? Then I started getting photo cards from friends that didn't have kids, and I loved getting them, it was nice to see their family, especially if they don't live close! And ones with pets...too cute! And anyone that knows our family, knows that Emma is like our cannine child and now we have her "sister" Ellie, so of course the dogs would be included in our card photo!

So I thought about ordering some for this year, and then when we found out we were expecting I thought, what a fun way to start doing Christmas Photocards!  I have ordered prints from Shutterfly in the past and have always been happy with their service, so I checked out their selection and found a few designs I am loving! I'm thinking of going with multiple photos, since it would be pretty tough to get all 4 of us in one shot and look presentable. Actually, there would be be 5 of us, but bean is just the size of a peach now, so we can work that in just fine.

What do you think about this one? Hubs and I at the top and solos of each of us in the other ones.

I'm kinda digging this one too. Maybe get both dogs together in one shot for the bottom?

Or what about this one, and dressing up in our Ohio State attire? That would be ubercute!

My question to you: Do you like getting the flat cards or do you prefer the folded ones? We put ours on a stand, so the folded ones are a little easier to stand up, but the flat ones are good for hanging along the door frame.

Guess I have some decisions to make about what pictures we are going to put in this card...time is ticking and we need to get these holiday greetings to the right people pronto!

*The wonderful people at Shutterfly are offering 50 free photocards in return for blogging about their 2010 Holiday Collection. I love browsing thru all the cards, even if I don't end up buying them. I choose to do this on my own, not because they tell me to.  As you can see, this is super easy to do and gives you so many ideas for fabulous holiday cards. If you want to, go check it out here for yourself!

13 My Thanksgiving Confession

We had decided a while ago that we were going to tell our families at Thanksgiving about the pregnancy. It being our first pregnancy and being afriad something would happen, we wanted to wait until we were further along before sharing the news. So we waited and waited for the days to pass until we could spill the beans!  We brainstormed cute ways to tell them, would we just pass them the ultrasound picture or should we come up with something more unique? I had seen lots of ideas on websites and blogs, and found the perfect one for me! I worked with a dear friend, who was sworn to secrecy, to help me make it happen. She did awesome!
 
We had Thanksgiving dinner with my family at 4pm on Thursday, so we got all our stuff ready and headed to my uncles house in my hometown.  People slowly started to filter in and we all stood around inside and chatted while some people were getting things out of the oven and moved to the buffet line. 

Grandma was already sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by a few aunts and I looked around, doing a headcount of what aunts were missing and realized they all were in the house. I looked over at my husband, and he nodded like, it's go time!  So I went over and asked the ones who were in the living room if they could come in, saying I wanted to talk to everyone about something.

They all gathered in the kitchen and I walked up to the table and said Grandma I have something I want to show you. And then I took off my sweater and told her to read my shirt.

She kind of looked confused and my aunt that was standing beside her started to read it to her. She said "Expecting a little......erjrtkjhkdj!" The rest kind of came out in a blur of tears and screams and excitement, then Grandma said" What....no you aren't....Mendie, are you pregnant....are you serious?" I nodded my head and said "Yes I am!" and she ran up and hugged me and everyone else started to scream and shout it to the men who were sitting in the other room and in the garage. "Mendie's gonna have a baby!!!" I'm really surprised some of you in the central United States didn't hear them screaming!

Grandma started to scold me for not telling her sooner, but I said "would you have been able to keep this a secret?" and she admitted no and was ok with it. She was just happy our dream finally came true. (ps. She has been calling me Little Mama ever since.)

Then everyone came in and started hugging me and crying happy tears, and I was like, whoa..."Pregnant lady needs some air!" Laughing but kinda being serious, once you get in a hug pile, it's hard to get out of it! But it was great, everyone then took turns coming over and congratulating me and hugging me and then making the way over to congratulate my husband.  It was great!

When my uncle Jim came in, he gave me a hug and said "Congratulations, Debbie would be thrilled!". I teared up and said "I know she would, I got to tell her. She was actually the first to know." He smiled and said you did and asked when, and I told him. He said, "yes she was still opening her eyes at that point, so I know she heard you." Everyone just smiled when they found out that I shared it with her before she passed on. It was important to me to do that, she was like another Mom to be growing up.

So then after everyone hugged and smiled, we ate and people asked questions like how long we had known (umm, the whole 3 months) and what we wanted (a healthy full term baby). Then we ate. It was nice. I then called my relatives that live in St. Louis and Arizona and told them the news.

After we left my families house, we stopped over at my husbands Grandparents and told them. I think they were kinda in shock. But they were happy, but really I think kinda like wow, for real? We then headed over to his Mom's house. She had just gotten out of the hospital from knee replacement that morning, so his family was going to celebrate Thanksgiving on Sunday. But we couldn't wait. So we stopped over there, I took off my sweater again and handed her the ultrasound, and her face brightened up with excitement. She had looked a little pale and in pain when we first got there, but by the time we left, she looked like a brand new woman. Amazing how good news like that can physically change the way you feel! She was thrilled but can't wait 6 more months to hold him/her! She's ready for a little grandbaby!

Asked everyone to keep it hush until my appt yesterday morning. I hadn't been feeling as queasy the last few weeks and I'm a worry wort and just wanted to make sure my bloodwork came back ok and everything was good before telling the world about our news. Went into our appointment, he poked and asked how I was doing squirted some lube on mah belly and brought over a little blue machine. He said, we might not be able to pick anything up today, sometimes it won't be audible on the doppler until 14 wks. But after moving it around a bit and pushing around my belly, we heard the heartbeat. Strong and steady. It was the best sound, calmed my fears and reassured me that everything was fine.

So the news was spread yesterday on here, on facebook and to the rest of my coworkers. All the love and happiness that we have received is overwhelming! I am so thankful to have so many people loving this baby already! I can't wait to share my journey with all of you. Thank you for wanting to experience it with me!

26 I've been keeping a secret

Happy Monday everyone! Have a good holiday?
I'm afraid that I have been keeping a secret. Forgive me?
But I wanted to wait until the time was right, and that time my friends is now.
Someone wants to say hello.

We are having a baby! See up there....that was my bean 4 weeks ago.
Its amazing-you can almost make out the little eye and nose! God bless technology!
I am 12 1/2 weeks along now and we couldn't be more thrilled that our family
is growing right under our noses, err bosom actually.
I was pretty queasy and felt like constantly yacking and was T-I-R-E-D for the first few months,
but the queasiness went away about a week ago, and now I'm just mostly tired.

Went to the dr this morning and got to hear the hearbeat again, such an amazing sound to my soul!
Thank you for all the prayers, even if you didn't know what you were praying for.
It worked, so I appreciate all of them!

I'll share how we told our families at Thanksgiving tomorrow.
It was awesome to give them some happy.
We needed some happy.
And the bean....the bean makes me so happy!

4 Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving. Time to reflect back on everything that you are thankful for. While it has been a difficult past few months, I still have so so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful husband who I am lucky to call my best friend. I have an amazing family that I am lucky almost all live within an hour of me and are huggers. Hugs mean alot when you don't know what to say. I have a handful of close friends that I know would do anything for me and I would so the same for them. I have a job making good money doing something that I love and keeps me close to home.

There are a few other personal things that I am giving thanks for this year, and those things are what has kept me going thru these difficult months. I know that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we just have to look for them in a new way.

Have a wonderful holiday my friends, I am so thankful for all of you that I have gotten to know thru blogging. Thank you for being you!

6 True Confessions

Hello friends, it has been a heavy week so I figured it was the perfect time to get a few things off my chest!

• We celebrated the life of my aunt on Saturday, and laid her to rest in my hometown. Saturday just happened to be our 6th wedding anniversary. During the funeral, they played a slideshow of pictures that my husband and I put together of her life. I cried extra hard when pictures of me and Deb popped up from my wedding day. I am so glad she got to experience that with me, but it made it extra sad that she was no longer going to be around.

• I am truely blessed by those of you that have sent me messages and emails over the last few weeks. You have no idea how much a random *hug* means-so thank you. I appreciate you continuing to stop by my blog even when I haven't been around much lately. That will soon change, got some big things planned for this blog!

• I am a worrier by nature, those of you who know me are aware of this.  I always have been a what if this kind of person. I am trying to remember to breath and let things happen as they naturally will. But its so hard to wait for things sometimes, especially when you know they are wonderful amazing things! Patience is a virtue that I wish I had more of.

• I ate a piece of Pecan Pie yesterday....and it was fabulous. 

• I still have baskets of laundry from last week piled on the bedroom floor, those will be out away before today is over. Promise. Well I will promise I will try to.

• I am starting to get a cough and touch of a sore throat. I am not a fan of being sick, but I think my body is just exhausted from all the emotional drain of the past few weeks. Just hope it passes on its own quickly.

• I am looking forward to Thanksgiving more this year then ever!  What a wonderful time to count our blessings and be with family!

Anything you want to share? It lightens the load to talk with others...go ahead...I'm listening.

2 Memories of a Roadtrip

I spent last evening scanning over a hundred photos to use in a slideshow for the memorial service tomorrow. I came upon this one of us when we went to the North American Christian Convention in California. We took the next week and drove over to Arizona to visit my Aunt Carol and then headed up to Nevada to visit friends in North Las Vegas.

What a beautiful memory.

(Uncle Jim, Annie, Aunt Debbie, me and Aunt Carol)

Grand Canyon 1992

11 Heaven has a new angel

 

Deborah Jean Dolen Bryan

9.27.55 to 11.16.10

Heaven welcomed a beautiful angel yesterday.

Aunt Debbie passed away at 7:10 A.M. at hospice with her loving husband and daughter by her side.  

She was one of the purest  people I knew, 

and I know that she is now wrapped in Gods loving arms and no longer sick.

She once again is walking, singing and laughing. 

Her spirit is no longer held back by her weakened body.

We are all blessed to have had her in our life, and I am so thankful 

that we got an extra four years with her after her diagnosis. 

The way she lived with brain cancer was an inspiration to so many. 

I know you are now smiling from above, 

and I'm happy that you are with the maker that you have worshiped for your entire life. 

God so proud of all of the work you did with your time here.

I will miss you Deb, you taught me so many things. 

I have peace knowing that you are no longer in pain and are not silenced by your sickness.

I am glad I got to tell you goodbye and share the things that were in my heart.

Rest in Peace dear one, I will see you again one day.

12 Her final journey home

The tests have come back  and there is nothing else that can be done to help my dear Aunt Debbie to wake up.  Her brain isn't communicating with the rest of her body.  We are so thankful that she is not feeling any pain, but am saddened that the lines connecting her mind to her loving heart and body have disappeared.

My uncle and cousin had to make the heartbreaking decision today to follow my aunts wishes and take her off of life support.  She has been off the ventilator since this afternoon and is breathing on her own. Debbie didn't want to be kept alive by a machine and didn't want to be forced food thru a tube, so as hard as it is for us all to take away the things that are helping her stay alive, we have to do what she would want. She was transported back to our hometown this evening to Hospice where her family can be with her 24/7 as she continues her journey home.

Debbie has always been such an independent woman and always took care of others. She is a go getter and would often take charge of the situation.  She would tell you what you thought, even if it might not be what you wanted to hear.  She was a leader and took the lead respectfully, without hurting anyone or stepping on anyone's toes.

Aunt Debbie had a living will and had thought about the way that she would want to continue living if her cancer were to become debilitating, she made her decision and choose to live the last few days of her life on her own strength.  She is a strong woman of faith and I am finding comfort in the idea that she isn't afraid of dying and is ready to meet her heavenly father.  She has put up a hard fight over the past four years and is ready to let God lead her down the final path of this journey. I do not remember ever hearing her complain during her battle, and that speaks volumes about the kind of person that she was, she didn't want to burden us with it. Instead you may just see the occasional tear slip down her cheek. What an amazing example of inner strength she is!

So my friends, I ask you this one last time for a few final prayers.
Please pray for my Uncle Jim who hasn't left Debbie's side and having to say goodbye to his best friend and wife of 35 years . He has been an amazing husband and has held her hand thru this difficult journey and never let go.

(Taken at their daughters wedding July 2009)

Please pray for my cousin Annie who is losing her Momma at the tender age of 21 years old.  There are so many things that I hope she learned from the way her mother lived her life and fought this disease, even if she doesn't realize some of them yet.

 (Taken at the Light the Night Walk September 2010)

Please pray for her mother, her brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and all the friends and church family that loves her and is so proud of her for staring brain cancer right in the face for so long and staying strong.  And she did it all with grace and poise we all wish we could possess.

We love you Debbie and miss you already...have a peaceful trip home.

10 I hope she liked her balloons...

I went down to see Aunt Debbie at the nursing home on Tuesday evening.  She had been in there since last Monday.  We stopped in and she was sleeping in her wheelchair with her daughter by her side.  She had been sleeping alot during the day and the staff thought she might have her days and nights confused.  The night before when my uncle came in after working 2nd shift, she was talking his ear off.  So I just rubbed her hair and told her we were there and to open her eyes and say hello.  She was out cold, sleeping like a log.  She would take some deep breathes in and kinda move her lips like she was trying to mumble but then just went back to the peaceful sleep.  Grandma said the last few days she occasionally would wake up and mumble a few things in a really soft voice and told her that her head hurt. So it didn't startle me when she kept sleeping, it has to be tiring fighting cancer everyday.

I wanted to make sure it was ok to bring in balloons in to the nursing home and her daughter said yes, so we ran out and picked up some mylar balloons, I thought when she opened her eyes that might give her something shiny to focus on.  We were gone about 20 minutes picking them up and when we got back, they had moved her into her bed and she was still asleep.  Annie, her daughter, said that she was able to get a few spoonfuls of juice down her when they moved her because she kinda woke up then.  She hasn't been able to swallow much lately and was holding stuff in her mouth, so they had to start thickening any liquid that they gave her, including water.  If she were to hold it in her mouth, it may go down into her lungs and cause her to get pneumonia. So I went over to her bed and told her that I brought her some balloons and toopen her eyes and let me know if she liked them.  She kinda frowned a little and moved her eyelids but never opened them.  I told her they were straight ahead so when she woke up they would be there.  I sat and talked with Annie for a little bit before giving Debbie a hug and kiss and telling her I would see her soon and to wake up and look at her balloons cause they were really pretty.

Last night my phone rang about midnight, I had just gone to bed and heard it before I had a chance to look at the caller id.  It was Tiny Dancer which meant it was my Grandma.  I grabbed the phone with my heart starting to race. 
Grandma:"Hi honey, its me. I'm at the hospital.  Hold on a minute....Let me call you back in a little bit."
Me:"Grandma are you ok???"
Grandma:"I'm fine, it's Debbie. I'll call you back."

So I tell my husband about the call and then try to lay back down and get some rest, breathing deeply as my heart rate slows back down from the shock of getting a phone call in the middle of the night. My Aunt Billie calls me back about 12:30am and I can tell she is crying, she said Debbie had a bad seizure at lunch that day and hadn't waken up and her blood pressure dropped on them so they took her to the hospital earlier that evening about 9ish.  They had to put a tube down her throat to help her breathe.  They wanted to do a brainscan, but there wasn't a neurologist on duty to do the test, so they were sending her to Ohio State Medical Hospital in Columbus to get it done. (Don't even get me started about how this is the second time they were unable to do a scan in the middle of the night and had to send her elsewhere, this a place that is supposed to be a level 2 trauma hospital!) So they got her ready and put her into a semi coma for transport to Columbus, which is about an hour away from my hometown where she lived. My uncle was going up with her and the rest of the family was going home and heading up in the morning. Annie was in Kentucky and started her way back home about midnight when she found out they were transporting her.

Debbie had another seizure while in transport to OSU and I guess that she was still having a light one when they arrived.  They put her in MICU, which meant there were limited visiting hours.  So I got up there when the 1-2 today when visitation started.  When I got there, Annie and her husband was there.  My Aunt Linda and her husband Randy, Aunt Billie and Grandma had all rode up together, Aunt Joyce and her husband Joe had followed them. 

I sat down and Joyce told me that they were testing Debbie for Spinal Meningitis. I stopped in my tracks...that is so scary and dangerous, not that cancer isn't frightening enough ,but that is dangerous to anyone who has been around her! She said that if they found it they may have to give anyone who came into contact with her fluids, so those were feeding or changing her shots and medicine.  I hadn't done any of that but still would need to be suited up and scrubbed to go visit her.  Thankfully for Debbie and for all of us Jim came back and said that the test came back and she didn't have it so we all were fine. I opted to wear a mask back anyway because of all the sickness floating around a hospital and I had just gotten my flu shot. And I coated myself in sanitizer.

A few minutes later, Jim said that people could start going back to visit 2 at a time.  So Annie and Matt went back, then Grandma and Billie went back, then Linda and Joyce, then me and Randy went.  When we walked back to see Debbie my heart was kinda in my throat. I knew she would be on a ventilator and would have tubes and wires all around her but nothing prepares you for when you actually see her hooked up to everything.   She was lying propped up against a few pillows and had dozens of wires hooked up to her head to monitor her brain activity for the EEG.  They had a video camera on the side keeping track of her eye flutters and body movements to see if there was any correlation between brain activity and the times her body moved.  She was on the ventilator and every handful of breaths you would see her left side kinda lift up like she was trying to breathe on her own along with it.  Then she would just lay back flat and kinda start to twitch her eyelids but never opened them. 

We each took turns talking to her telling her that we all were praying for her and were out there thinking of her and wanted her to know we all loved her. We told her we knew how strong she was, that she was a fighter but we knew her body was tired today and to just keep fighting and come back to us and open her eyes.  I told her that I loved her and would see her soon....that I knew she loved us and we had people all over the country praying for her.  We slowly walked out so the next group could come in, but it was hard saying goodbye, not knowing if she even knew we were there.

After we got back to the waiting room, Joe and Jim went back to talk to the nurses. Joe is a respiratory therapist so he translates some of the medical jargon to us. By that time my Uncle Tom and his wife Cheryl and their son Conner had come in and were followed soon by my Uncle Bob and his wife Teresa but it was after 2 so they just waited in the waiting room and then wentwith everyone when they took off to go get some lunch and wait till the next round of visitation at 5pm. Before I left I gave Annie and Uncle Jim a big hug and started to cry.  I whispered that I loved him and we just kept hugging each other. I could tell he needed that hug. I grew up staying with him and Debbie on Saturday nights and going to church with them Sunday morning, spending the day with them and then going back to church Sunday night and Grandma would pick me up at church.  They were a big influence on me growing up, so he was kinda a father figure to me.  I hope he could feel all the love and support I was trying to give him. Sometimes holding out a hug can say some of the words that you can't mutter out when your heart is in your throat.

I talked with Grandma a little bit ago who just got home and here is the status as of tonight. Her heart and lungs look good and are functioning properly. Her blood pressure has stabilized and she is having occasional spikes in her blood sugar, so they are considering giving her insulin.  She is on 40% oxygen and has a oxygen level of 99%.  Breathing along with the ventilator but isn't on any other meds at this time.  They found some small pieces of food in her lungs when they put in her breathing tube, and she has a some aspiration pneumonia. They have doing the EEG most of the day and will see how her brain activity looks and if it points to why she is having her seizures. She is scheduled for an MRI in the morning.  A few aunts said that she squeezed their hands today but she hasn't woken up since yesterday afternoons seizure. The tests will tell us if there is any brain activity, and then we will know a little more about where we stand. But until then...we just wait.  Pray and hope that we get good news tomorrow and appreciate every extra day that we have had with her and pray that we get one more chance to look her in the eyes and tell her that we love her.

11 The Great Pillow Debate

Need your thoughts friends. My husband and I saw these pillows at Target the other night and had differing opinions on them. This is where you come in. Do you like them....or would you have kept walking by?

Here is the sofa that we have in the front room.  Its a lighter cream color then this but you get this basic idea of shape and style.

Here are the pillows. Think I like the brown better, but the red is so pretty too!

Thoughts?
Think they are cute or a waste of material?

6 Halloween 2010

Spent Friday night at a work Halloween party, these people do all out...they have moving characters and motion sensor noises and a graveyard complete with a hearse and everything.  It was a fun time.  I dressed up like Doonese from Saturday Night Live, if you haven't seen any of the skits, do yourself a favor and go youtube it...so funny. 

My husband was  Jason from Halloween....specifically the 2nd one. Before he got the hockey mask. I have no clue because I refuse to watch movies like that. But he was pretty scary if you came across him in the dark I can assure you of that.

Saturday night my family had a wienie roast in my hometown at my Uncles house.  I ditched the dress and wore warmer atire, but still sported the headband and arms for a bit.  I spent most of the night loving up on my 2 little cousins babies....they were so stinking cute in their little costumes! 

Cutest lamb and Duckie ever!  It was nice to spend time with family and enjoy being together.  Standing by a nice warm fire and munching on some fall goodies didn't hurt either!

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween filled with more treats then tricks. 
Happy November!  Can't wait till Thanksgiving!!!

7 Dreams happen for a reason

I am a dreamer. A wake up crying, with a racing heartbeat kinda dreamer. I haven't had any dreams about certain people in a while, but this week is proving to be full of them!

Monday night I had a dream about my Grandpa.  I was moving out of my house that I lived in with him and Grandma and was really upset and crying.  I didn't want Grandma to think I was abandoning her, but it was time for me to move out and go my own way. (I'm not sure of the timeframe, cause a lot of things were now, but some things were just like they were when I moved out in 1999).

So I got in the car which was packed full of stuff and went to pull back out of our gravel driveway.  Ended up backup circling all the way around the yard and pulled right back into the spot I was at. I ran out of the car and ran up and hugged Grandpa really tight and told him I was sorry and that I would miss him.  He just hugged me and said that he knew, that he would be fine.  I then turned to Grandma who was crying too (see where I get that from) and she said I'm just gonna miss you, you are my baby girl. (insert more sobbing on my part)

I turned and looked at Grandpa and he said "Mom, it's what she got to do" and that seemed to make something click and she was like "I know, you go have fun, and call me when you get there."  Grandpa just smiled and pulled up his jeans a little like he always did. (cause he never wore his belt tight enough anyway, you know that kinda Grandpa). I walked back to the car and told myself to calm down and thought to myself...calm down, everything is going to be ok, you have other things to worry about. This was huge, because I rarely can calm myself down in reality so to have myself tell myself to calm down and breathe in a dream was a major thing.  Like, wow I really am living it....and dreaming it. That made me smile. Maybe Grandpa was trying to tell me to calm down and just breathe, everything will be ok cause it's what I got to do.

I wasn't feeling very well last night and went to lay in bed about 9ish to finish watching Biggest Loser.  I didn't end up falling asleep until about 11.  But when I did, I was thrilled to have another dream.  This one included my mom.

We were having a cookout at our house, and there were tons of people in the backyard (remember I have a big family).  There was Grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins and babies and in-laws from all over.  I looked over in the corner and saw my mom laughing and smiling with a few of my aunts. She was eating something that we grilled up and I waved and she smiled and mouthed that the food was really good! I went to get up to head over to see her, but someone leaned over the fence and called for me. It was my neighbor wanting to congratulate me on graduating. I said thank you (?huh?) and went to turn around to go back and talk to mom.

She was getting up and walking over to come talk to me.  She never made it over, got distracted taking to another family member, but I just remember her laughing and smiling and having fun with everyone else.  I dare to almost say that she was beaming, her smile was so bright!  It felt great to see her there and so happy. She must have known I needed that right now.

This afternoon when I drive home will mark 2 years since I last talked to my mom. She passed away about 8 hours later.  I am so thankful that I got to say goodbye to her that day and tell her that I loved her. 

Last year was really tough and I got home and cried for hours.  This year feels even heavier for so many reasons.  There is so much going on right now within my family that I feel kinda lost without having her to talk to about things.  I know that she is around me now more then ever and I will continue to talk to her and listen and look for signs from her.  It will be a sad drive home, but knowing that Grandpa and her are together up there smiling and watching over me will make it a little bit easier.  I have two amazing guardian angels keeping an eye on me and that is such a comforting thing.  I'll talk to you on the ride home Mom.

4 Monday Ramblings

Hi friends..long time no talk.  Let's start with some updates.

My Aunt Debbie finished her Avastin treatment last week. She hasn't had any more problems with blood clots so that's a blessing but her foot is starting to turn down a little bit and she can't walk anymore.  My uncle has decided to admit her to a rehab/extended care facility for a few weeks to get some PT twice a day to see if they can get her any more mobile.  She is pretty tired and is unable to feed herself. I guess she has been sleeping alot lately. So let's hope that she can get some help at the rehab center and keep her spirit up. Love you Aunt Debbie...you are a tough cookie....keep fighting!

One of my cousins is pregnant with her second child and is due in Early January.  She was admitted to the hospital late last week.  She is 29 weeks and was having contractions and dilating.  They did some type of test to see if her water was going to break in the next few weeks, that came back ok so she got to come home this weekend.  She goes in every few days for an ultrasound to monitor the baby's progress but for now she is dilated 2 and 70% effaced. Dr would like for her to keep baking until December 10.  So hang in there baby Hudson-another 7 weeks till it's time to meet you!

Emma had her teeth cleaned last week...and she did wonderful!  She is my baby and I was so worried about how she would handle the anesthesia. But she came out with flying colors...and her teeth look fabulous!  Way better then I ever dreamed they would and her bad breathe is a thing of the past!  They ended up having to extract 3 small ones in the back and she has to take some antibiotics for a bit, but she's just as peppy as always.

Ellie is doing really good...anymore its Emma who snips at her.  Our neighbor Kim brought over a giftbag for the girls.  There were some homemade dog treats and some chewable goodies and a kong for Ellie.  She loves it!  Thanks Kim....great idea!  We decided to get her a kong frisbee to play with outside and that's all she wants now.  She is really a sweetie and will just sit beside you, of course needing to be petted almost constantly.  We are happy with our decision to bring her into the family...she's making improvements every day.

I'm feeling good, work has calmed down a bit after last week's craziness.  I was fighting some sniffles but that seems to have passed me by thank goodness. We have some stuff we want to do around the house, including get some new insulation sometime in the next few weeks so that will be good before the cold weather sets in.  We went to the Ohio State football game on Saturday, and it was perfect football weather! I'll try to post some pics of that soon, we had a great time, just me and my man.  We did finally turn on our heater last week but was able to turn it down and open some windows yesterday, it was a beautiful fall day!

Hope you all have a great week! Anything I missed that you want to share?

8 Hello Internet...did you miss me?

Hello….is this thing on, anybody still out there? Been a while since I’ve stopped by, didn’t know if anyone still checked my little blog. I haven’t posted since before I went to Chicago (wow that was 3 weeks ago already). It has been really crazy lately at work with the end of our fiscal year, so I had to put some extra hours in. A lot has been going on at home and with my family and I’m just trying to keep up with all of it.  Some happy, some sad, some fun and some difficult stuff, I’m just trying to keep afloat.. I love all my bloggy friends, but lately I’ve felt the need to spend more time with my hubby and canine kiddos and family. I know you will be here when I have time to blog regularly again. 

I’m still tweeting from time to time, so you may have been keeping up with me there!

So a few days before I left for Chicago, we adopted Ellie. She is a sweet black lab mix, about a year old. She and Emma are doing pretty good together, except the times Ellie tries to pick Emma up by her neck. But don’t you worry, Emma puts her in her place real quick. She still is the queen of her castle, that will never change.  Someday they will be napping together, but they aren’t quite there yet. 

Ellie loves catching Frisbees and tennis balls, something that we could never really do with a Doxie. 

So that’s kept my husband having fun with her. She minds about 75% of the time and doesn’t really bark or chew, so we are pretty happy with her and how she is working into our family.

Chicago was a fun time with my beautiful friend Lauren! 

We went into the city on Friday walked around a bit before jumping on the "L" and heading to the game. 

 We stopped and had some drinks next to the stadium before the game. 

I had to buy a Cubs shirt...I liked this one cause it is just as much Chicago as it is Cubs.

We had awesome seats, I so wish I had brought my zoom lens with me! 

They ended up loosing, but it was a great experience.

Then the next day visited the Brookfield Zoo….it was a cool brisk day 

so it was perfect for walking around seeing all the animals. 

Sunday we just chilled at the house and watched football and relaxed. She has 3 cats and I unfortunately think that I learned that am allergic to them if I stay in the same room for more then 8 hours. 

They were super sweet and Will quickly became my buddy. It was great to see her and her husband. 

They opened their beautiful home to me and we had a great time catching up! Miss ya L!

I am realizing I love my husband more and more everyday. We have been together for almost 10 years and next month will be married for 6. Sometimes in the everyday life, I'm sure I act like I take him for granted. But I know how special a relationship like ours is and I'm going to try to show him more that I appreciate him.  I had a great time in Chicago with my friend, but I was glad to come home to him and our little family. I loved seeing some of the sights but found myself thinking how much he would have liked seeing them too. I guess that’s how you know you found the one. Even when you are looking forward to a little time away, you can’t help but think about them and get that little twinkle in your eye. He still gives me that twinkle. He’s my best friend, and I am so thankful that he loves me and supports me!

The day I got back from Chicago, we went to my hometown for Debbie’s Birthday dinner. 

Her daughter had a cow cake made, it was really cute. 

It was nice to see everyone come out for her special day! 

That Friday, they found a blood clot in her leg and had to spend about a week in the hospital. She eventually had to get a port put in because her veins kept popping, my moms used to be like that. 

So she had that done last Tuesday and got to go home on Thursday. She is still in her wheelchair, but seems to be in good spirits. They are going to have PT come in a few times a week to see if she can get her strength up to walk a little more to make it easier for her to go potty and get into bed. 

She has her last dose of Avastin today, so pray that it starts to heal her.

Let’s see what about some other random updates:

*I’m down a lb this week, so the extra I gained is a thing of the past. I got booted last week from the Sisterhood Challenge, but in my heart I will always be a Burgundy Babe. I’ve put the running thing on hold for now, I normally end up burning more calories walking or shredding anyway. However I haven’t done either of those since I’ve been back either. Gotta work on that. I know.

*I have been missing my mom a lot lately, the end of this month will be 2 years since she passed. Something popped in my mind the other day and I remember shopping at 16 Plus in the mall with her when I was a child…I would love to help her pick out some clothes and she would always let me choose a necklace or earrings or something. I wish we could go shopping again, I’m in need of some new clothes.

*My cousins and their babies are doing well, those girls are getting so big. Josie (14mos) has started walking and Aubrey (6mos) is being attentive and interacting more everyday! They are so cute and I can’t help but smile whenever I see their tiny little faces. Josie’s Momma is expecting a little boy and is the cutest little pregnant woman! She’s due in early Jan, but is measuring about a week bigger and the dr thinks she probably go about 37 wks. Can’t wait to meet baby Hudson!

*My BFF’s twins are turning One the start of next month! I can’t believe they are a year old already! Can’t wait to see them smash some cupcakes in their face. I am amazed by the patience my friend shows everyday being a mom of twins, I think I would be at the brink of tears everyday. But they are doing well, getting healthier everyday, so that is a great thing!

*Other then that I’m doing really well, happy to be healthy and am blessed with so many good things and people in my life right now. Even during the rough, emotional times, I continue to believe in miracles and in love because they are everywhere…sometimes its just easier to see them.
Wishing you miracles and love too!

16 Weigh-In Wednesday

Good morning fellow shrinkers! How was your first week of the Shrinkvivor challenge? I am happy to report that it was a good week for me, despite being stressed out about getting a new dog (whom we have named Ellie.) I stayed within my calorie count 6 out of 7 days and got in my water and miles for Tribe Burgundy Babes! Hoping to see the scale inch further to the left as a result!

Total Water=496 oz
Total Miles=8.625 miles

Change This Week: down 1.0
Total for Shrinkvivor Challenge: down 1.0



I leave for Chicago tomorrow to visit a friend for the weekend, so I’m sure that it will be filled with lots of edible temptations, but I am going to try my best not to splurge on something unless it is totally worth it. Kinda nervous about flying, haven’t been in a plane since 2003. Seriously, that’s forever ago. Add that to the nerves about leaving Emma at home with the new dog, and I think I may need to have a cocktail or seven in order to get on the plane.

*Update on Aunt Debbie.  She went to Cleveland Clinic last week for her first Avastin treatment and she did great with it.  She has been walking a little more the last week, so that is great news.  She has her moments when she will slip away and pour water on the pillow and play in it like a child would do, but for the most part she is doing better then before the treatment. She goes back in another week for another treatment.  Tomorrow night is our local Light the Night walk and my family will be pushing Debbie in a wheelchair.  I am sad that I won't be there, but I will be in spirit.  If anyone of you plan on walking or running tomorrow evening, can you do it in honor of Debbie or for someone you know who is fighting cancer? The support of friends and family is such an important part of this journey. Thank you.

8 Our Pound Puppy

We have been talking about getting a black lab puppy for a while now, and a few weeks ago my husbands grandmother made us aware of a female lab at the county dog pound that had limited time left.  She felt drawn to this dog and that we would be a perfect fit for each other.  They said that she had been at the pound since June, when someone turned her in because they lived in an apartment and the dog had gotten too big. (Hello....its a Labrador Retriever..what were they expecting!)  She had a good temperament and is spayed, weighs about 30 lbs and is roughly 1-1.5 years old.  So after several phone calls and a handwritten letter from an sweet little Gram in her 80's (along with the picture from the paper) pleading with us to help this dog, we went to see the dog last week and we both were drawn to her. She deserved a shot for us to try and see if she could fit into our family.
For now she is being called Big Girl. (we are still deciding on which name fits her personality)

My husband and his friend picked her up from the pound late yesterday afternoon, took her to get microchipped before bringing her home. Brought her into the backyard to get used to it, first on the lead then free to run around. She sniffed around the whole circumference of the yard with my husband and left her mark a few times. Then we brought Emma out to meet her. Big Girl was jumping and excited when we both came out, partially because of me, but I know mostly because of the little dog beside me. Emma was excited and ran up to hubby, which of course got Big Girl more excited. Then Emma was like, what the heck is in my yard by my dad? Big Girl kinda jumped around a little, excited, but never growled or anything. Both tails were wagging the whole time. That is until big girl went and swatted her paw at Emma to play, and Emma’s hair stood up on her back, kinda like back the eff up! It was not a good situation, I was instantly like, take her back this isnt’ going to work.

So Emma kinda hide behind me for protection while hubs held Big Girl back. But they kinda looked at each other every now and then, but basically Emma wanted nothing to do with her, and I can’t say that I blame her. This dog is easily 3 times as heavy and 5 times as big as Emma. Once when hubby was holding Emma and I had Big Girl on the leash, she sniffed Emma’s butt, you know like dogs do, and Emma kinda growled and nipped at her and then she walked away. So that was good, and the other one didn’t seem to feel like retaliating so that was good. I didn’t see any ill intent on either of their sides, so that made me feel better. Big girl was just curious and wanted to play, Emma was like what the heck is that big thing doing on my patio!

My husband was tossing the Frisbee and she was bringing it back, she is a smart dog and really sweet. A few times she was laying on the grass with her legs sprawled out and head titled letting us rub her belly. She’s really submissive so that’s great sign I think. I think once she gets over the excitedness of a new home and new people parents, she’ll be great. Didn’t hear her bark once, just kinda tilt her ears when the neighbor dogs barked but didn’t follow thru on it.

We brought her in after an hour or so and kept her in the kitchen in a gated area, we borrowed a big circle fence from my in-laws and hubby sit with her and petted her for a bit, she leaned against me on the fence when I walked by to pet her. It was clear, she just wanted love…and I’m glad we could give it to her. She could easily jump the fence, and we aren’t giving her free range just yet, so after a bit, we sent her to her crate, which she didn’t fight us on. She was content being there for an hour or so then we got her out again and played for a bit, went potty and so on. Me thinks she was pretty warn out from the Frisbee game….she was happy to be sitting down. It was so funny at one point, she stopped panting and tilited her head, my husband motioned for me to turn around...and she was staring out the backdoor...listening to the crickets!  It was adorable!

We heard no whining at all last night. Didn’t hear a peep from her and she didn’t mess in her cage so that’s awesome!  This morning, I let Emma out to go potty and brought her in, then got Big Girl (who was wagging her whole cage with excitement) and put her on her leash to take her out (I smelled a skunk and didn’t want her to be any part of that, otherwise I would have just let her run). She went potty I said good girl (gotta have that positive reinforcement) and she proceeded jump up on me, getting my shirt wet and grassy. With Emma, I only had to worry about maybe getting my shins wet, but this girl can put her arms on my shoulders so now I have to worry about my shirt. So lesson learned, if I am taking the big dog out in the morning, wear a smock. Had to change before I left. But when I left, she was back in her cage just chilling. So praying today goes well for hubby with the two girls getting used to each other.

We are just going to introduce them for a little bit at a time, hopefully then they will become BFF’s. She’s a beautiful dog and really sweet and I don’t feel like she would hurt Emma. She doesn’t seem like the attack kind of dog you know how sometimes you can just see that in a dog. She wanted to play and was excited to be out of her concrete cell she used to call a home. But Emma is pretty chill and used to being on her own, so it will take some time to adjust to that. You can tell from the image below, she was less then thrilled. But Emma is the alpha dog, it is her domain and we want her to be the leader and put Big Girl in her place, and I think she will be great for that.  She would have been a great mother.

So this morning, I feel like it’s going better then I thought it was when they first met, Emma was wagging her tail and whined when Big Girl started to wiggle and want out of her crate this morning. Granted they aren’t cuddled up together now, but they’ll play together one day, it just might take a few weeks. Slow and steady.

PS…I’ve never had a big dog, well we had a German Sheppard when I was little but other then that, I’ve only known doxies or beagles. So this is a big change for me and a little scary to be honest. But I think she’ll be good for all of us.

PSS…any of you lab owners out there that have any advice or training tips, please pass them along. We’d appreciate them!

2 Saturday Cell Phone Mosiac

It was a busy Saturday for the Ladybug house....big day indeed.  We headed down in the morning to our hometown to hit a few stores.  Grabbed some cool Buckeye shirts and a handbag.  Then we headed to the local dog pound to look at a dog that we have been thinking about adopting.  We wanted to get her out and play with her a little bit to see how her temperament was.  She was very excited, but who wouldn't be after being stuck in a concrete cell for the last few months.  Once she got some of her energy out, she was leaning against us and cuddling and just being happy to be paid attention to.

We talked with the guy working and he stated she had been dropped off a few months ago because someone couldn't keep her in their apartment.  She has been spayed and has her shots.  She knows kinda how to sit and shake, so we think she will be easy to train.  We have talked in the past about getting a black lab puppy, but when we heard about this dog, from my husbands grandmother (who wrote us a letter and sent us the dogs picture from the paper) who just knew this dog would be good for us and we would be good for the dog, it just seemed like it might be better to save a dog who probably won't be picked and not have a choice to have its life ended.  Its just heartbreaking to think about the alternative for such a sweet dog with great potential.

So tomorrow we are going to start prepping the house for the girl, who is yet to be named.  My husband will go pick her up on Monday after we get her chipped.  We are hoping that Emma is excited and will get along with her new sister.  She is our top priority and we don't want her stress out about someone else coming in, but we think she will quickly enjoy having the company of another dog.  So please say a prayer that happens.

Aftrer that. we came back home and watched Ohio State dominate Ohio Univeristy.  Then I went and walked 2.25 miles and got ready to head to my inlaws to pick up a few things.  When we got to their town, we saw a police car and flashing lights and the bombsquad.  Heh?  Yeah we stopped at Subway to get a sandwich and ended up being right beside the action.  Ends up that a man found some old artillery shells in his basement and then weren't sure if they were safe or not, so that was interesting.  We evenutally got our dinner, picked up our stuff and then headed our my husbands brothers where they had a fire.  It was a great chilly night for a fire!

Click on the image below to skim thru my day and see pictures of the soon to be new member of our family.