4 letter to babybug

Dear babybug:

I can’t believe I am almost half way thru this pregnancy already! Things going good from your side? I hope you are doing good in there and growing like a weed. I haven’t felt you move around too much yet, just kinda little flutters and vibrations. I’m hoping its just because Momma has an extra layer of fluff then all those skinny Momma’s out there that are already feeling external kicks. But we have heard your hearbeat several times and it is strong. We have to move the Doppler to follow you sometimes so I know you are on the move, even if I can’t feel it just yet. Keep up the good work, God is watching you and knows how quickly things should be happening. You are in a much more powerful set of hands and I am confident in his abilities.

This relationship that you and I have, its teaching me a lot about myself too. I tend to be, what some may call a control freak. I try to get all the details and am always trying to plan ahead to know what is happening. But with this, I don’t have that crystal ball to make sure things are ok. I just have to believe that they are. And I’m trying with all my heart to believe…I hope you are feeling that and not focusing on the random fears that pop into my head or dreams. Just breathe….and repeat.

Do you know what next week is? Its our next ultrasound! The BIG ultrasound! I know-it’s FINALLY here! We are now just 8 days away from finding out if you are a little boy bean or a little girl bean. I can not wait. I want to start calling you he or she instead of “it”, which I try not to do because you are not an “it”, you are a tiny human and deserve to be acknowledged as such. That’s why most of the time I refer to you as Bean or Bebe, just sounds so much better then “it”.

I’ve had a few dreams here and there about you, but have never been able to get a feeling if you were a boy or girl, just that you were healthy and part of our lives. I do know that I am focusing more on having boy names picked out and maybe its jut because we are 85% sure of the girl name but not on the boy name, so I am trying to come up with a list of both to choose from.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve wanted a girl for as long as I knew I wanted to be a mother, but lately have been feeling that little boys are so cute and sweet and wouldn’t be any less adorable then a little girl. It would just be cute little khakis and polos instead of bows and tutus. I just don’t want to get into the ultrasound and have them say what you are and make you feel like I was disappointed. So if you are a boy, that is perfectly fine and I will be thrilled just as much as if you were a girl. Seriously….I know it sounds so cliché, but as long as you are healthy and we both come out of delivery fine, that will be the biggest blessing of all.

Either way I can’t wait to meet you! Eek…I can’t wait to see your little fingers and toes and nose…you are gonna be so cute! But until June comes, I will be happy getting to see you move around next week on that screen and show us what God gave you. They say to drink orange juice before to get you moving so I might need to pick some up on the way down. So if you can, work with me next week and start wiggling around about 9am on Tuesday. I’m sure I’ll remind you a dozen times until then.

I am feeling much better lately, you haven’t made me quesy much anymore and now only encounter heartburn just before bed a few nights a week so that’s much better then feeling it a few times a day. So thank you for that. Oh and I was surprised that you prefer the lime sherbet the best out the rainbow box. Maybe next time I’ll just get that for ya! The cravings for salads are a good thing, don’t mind them at all either. You know, maybe green is going to be your favorite color.

Sorry if I’m jostling you all about in the middle of the night, just trying to get into the best spot for both of us to get some zzz’s. And yeah about the getting up 3 times a night to use the bathroom, that’s not all your fault little one. I’ve always had a small bladder so I’m kinda used to it anyway. Well at least once a night. But its ok, no biggie. Glad to do it.

This week me and your father have our first childbirth class, just to go over some baby basics. It’s been a while since your dad has been around a baby, it’s been almost 17 years since your Uncle Kyle was born. So except for a few friends babies that we’ve been around, its kinda new to him. And as you know, you are my first, so am soaking up everything that I can that will help me be a better mommy to you.

So just keep doing what you are doing, and if you need more of anything to make your stay in uterus a little more enjoyable, please feel free to suck whatever you need from me. I will try to keep the nutrients and fluids coming.

Remember we adore you to the moon and back already!
Love,
Mommy