Right now my anger is directed towards Brain Cancer, particularly the tumors that have come back and are causing my Aunt Debbie troubles.
This is my Aunt Debbie. She always has a smile on her face .
This was taken last weekend, when my cousin was home from St. Louis.
She underwent brain surgery again a few months ago and has gone thru another round of radiation and chemo to help stop the new tumor from growing. She is at home and my Grandma has been going over to keep her company and help her up and down the stairs since she has been having more trouble walking and keeping her balance. They have lunch and play cards, and times when her husband is on second shift, they will watch some TV before Grandma makes sure she gets upstairs safe and puts her to bed
Grandma says she is loosing more of her memory and not remembering stuff even from the day before. This breaks my heart. She was doing so much better and now seems to have fallen even lower then she was with the last set of tumors.
I guess that she has fallen a few times lately, including last night while getting some water from the kitchen. Grandma went to help pick her up but wasn't strong enough. So after trying to reach a few of my aunts and uncles, she called my cousin who stopped over and helped get her up in a chair. Thank goodness he was able to stop by. Grandma is 78 years old. She can hardly lift herself out of chairs sometimes if her legs hurt her, but she will try everything she can to help out her daughter when she needs it. And there are a few family members that are there in a heartbeat and stop in and check on her from time to time. But I'm afraid that she might need more help, someone there all the time that her husband isn't home that can take care of her if she falls or starts to have any issues. Grandma can come over for hours at at time, but she can't be there 8 hours a day, everyday. Although she would try to in a heartbeat.
I'm trying to find that place between trying not to worry about the toll this is taking on Grandma, she just got over pneumonia last week and is constantly tired because of all the running around and stress and has to have a heart cath on 7/15 to see if there are any issues, yet be understanding that this is just her way of trying to help the evil beast that is Cancer by doing anything she can to help make my aunt forget about the cancer for a few hours.
I'm also trying to find that place between wanting to grab my cousin and shake some sense into her 22 year old head and say 'Your Mom isn't going to be around forever, maybe not for long at all, and I know you get frustrated with her because she can't do the things you think she is able to do, but you need to realize that the roles have reversed and she needs you now more then ever so you should stop by and spend time with her every.single.day' yet be compassionate that this is her way of dealing with the sickness, as wrong as I think it is, it's not my place to judge. Just because I've lost my mom, and I live with regrets of how I may have not treated her respectfully at times, does that give me any right to want to try and let her see that light while she can still do something about it?
She is a true example of a Miracle. First diagnosed in 2006, she has fought the battle like a warrior and amazed her doctors with her recovery. That is until they found another tumor. Then the battle began once again. Please let her Miracle continue, it's not fair. Cancer sucks.
I hate it.
